Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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