he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
At least life still wants to fuck me.
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