The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
