there's paper in my vomit.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize