I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
