I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
