I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
someone owes me an orgasm
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
