Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
