I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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