My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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