Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Hippo gnu deer
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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