too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Slut skills are useful in every country.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
