Don't you send me to vm
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
