sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize