So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
