I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
