Whoa Z and x make the same sound
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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