Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
