you traded sex for a burrito?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Randomize
