im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
