its not stalking. its research.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
