Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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