420 ftw
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
