Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i will never coherently bang her
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize