yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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