There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
