For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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