Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
