I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
