i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize