You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
You dont lie about slip and slides
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
