dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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