...so i touched it.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
