Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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