i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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