Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
