I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize