Don't make out with my wife yet
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I just had sex on a roof
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
