he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
