The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
