I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i barfeds in our rink
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
