I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
