I'm laying in your front yard are you home
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
