apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I just want to make out with him forever
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
