I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
A bitchslap is in order.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
