btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
