Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
