So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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