Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
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