You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
