I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
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