I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
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