so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
