i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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