Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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