Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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