Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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