Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
