it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
