Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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