mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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