You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize