$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
