Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
