I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
