Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
She's the barista slut.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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