Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
