Don't make out with my wife yet
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
