It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
