Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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