How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
