Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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