So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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