I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
there's paper in my vomit.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
