At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
