My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
We got so high we made milksteak
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I just found puke in my bra..
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
