I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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