dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
