Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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