Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
