Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
