He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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