Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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