You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
