i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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