i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
