my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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