There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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