kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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