He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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