the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
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