You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
