Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
where am i from again
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
