So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
