can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
