If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
